Sweetie Belle: (Fails to lift broom, sees Spike lift it easily, and sighs) I'll never get my cutie mark for this.
Applebloom: Ain't levitatin' just the unicorn version of pickin' somethin' up?
Scootaloo: Yeah, a cutie mark should be for something more personal than that, I mean that would be like if I got a cutie mark for picking this book up! (Does so)
(Everypony gasps as Scootaloo's flank lights up with a sparkle, leaving behind a cutie mark of her hoof picking up a book)
Scootaloo: I hate everyone and everything.
Randolph: (Does fantastic acrobatic display)
Silver Spoon: That was amazing Diamond Tiara!
School Foal 1: You are an incredible pony with amazing talent!
School Foal 2: We are in absolute awe in how YOU literally did that!
School Foal 3: We're really stupid because it makes the main characters look better!
School Foal 4: ARCHER REFERENCES!!!
Sweetie Belle: Hey, come to think of it, if we get really good at the stuff Twilight's teaching us, we could be the big shots around here for a change! Hmm...
(DAYDREAM SEQUENCE ENGAGE)
Scootaloo: Check this out! (Puts together a unicycle REALLY FAST)
Applebloom: And check this out! (Grows an apple on a stick) (SERIOUSLY THAT WASN'T EVEN A TREE)
Sweetie Belle: Now check this out! (Levitates Diamond Tiara)
Diamond Tiara: (Flails) Hey! Put me down!
Sweetie Belle: (SUDDENLY DEVIL VOICE) NO.
(Sweetie Belle stares straight ahead, the magic aura around her horn brightening as the other foals look on in shock and alarm whilst the only audible noises are Diamond Tiara's screams and the snapping of various bones)
(DAYDREAM SEQUENCE DISENGAGE)
Sweetie Belle: ...what?
Applebloom: Ya know what? I ain't even shocked, I've imagined doin' worse to her.
Scootaloo: I wrote a story where she can't die and regenerates all wounds and we have her chained up in the club house so we can torture and mutilate her in various hellish ways and she feels every single bit of it. I keep it next to my bed.
Applebloom and Sweetie Belle: 0_o
Scootaloo: I have problems.
Sweetie Belle: Actually, my sister hasn't offered to take me to Manehattan anytime soon.
Diamond Tiara: Yeah, we figured.
Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon: Bump, bump, sugar lump rump! (Laughs derisively)
Applebloom: Ya know, I wonder what it must be like to be you, to just be some filly who exists and happens to have a rich father, who doesn't know how to do one dang thing and knows it so she has to constantly tear down everypony around her to appease the insecurity that's eatin' away at her every wakin' moment. That must be awful.
Scootaloo: Actually she never has and never will feel any of that because what you're describing is actually just a common bit of projection that poor ponies do so that they'll feel better having almost nothing while the rich ponies have almost everything. Most likely, Diamond Tiara will skate through some expensive college for which her dad bought a building, and then she'll grow up to be one of those mares who is famous because she's famous. Then she'll bag the richest husband she can find, thus making herself RICHER, and then die peacefully in a silk laced golden bed of ultimate comfort having never worked a day in her life while we end up stuffed in a wooden box that gets tossed into a hole after we work ourselves to death with nothing to show for it in the least because that is how the world works.
Sweetie Belle: What is WITH YOU this week?!
Scootaloo: I HAVE A CUTIE MARK FOR PICKING THINGS UP, YOU TELL ME.
Sweetie Belle: Hey, remember how we felt all justified before by the fact that we actually accomplish things on our own and don't build ourselves up using somepony else?
Sweetie Belle: Let's ignore that entirely, do exactly the opposite of it, and then use that thing we started off already knowing as the ending lesson!
Applebloom: That's like what mah sister did with that cider makin' contest, only without all the mental fortitude required to stick to our guns under immense pressure!
Scootaloo: We'll have made no progress at all!
Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle: Cutie Mark Crusaders wheel spinners! YAY!
Diamond Tiara: Princess Twilight, it is such a thrill and honor to be here! You have no idea. Oh my gosh, who dyes your tail?
Silver Spoon: I so have to get that done.
Twilight Sparkle: Actually, it's not dyed. I've always–
Diamond Tiara: Are those books in there? What a bold design choice!
Twilight Sparkle: It's a...it's a librar-
Silver Spoon: You should so do that, Di!
Diamond Tiara: I know, right?
Twilight Sparkle: Okay HOLD IT. I get a huge coronation and royal guards requesting my leadership in a crisis, and I understand the townsfolk treating me like always because I specifically asked for that, but then that jerk in Manehatten doesn't even let me have a SINGLE TAXI when everypony can see my wings and horn, and now I have fan fillies squealing at my doorstep. AM I FAMOUS OR NOT?!
Diamond Tiara: Thanks to me, you three are now the hottest thing around. You're welcome.
Applebloom: Hang on a second, you're only nice to us when you're about to take joy in doing something awful to us!
Applebloom: Felt your ego not bein' appeased when we didn't fawn over you for Randolph's gymnastic skills?
Diamond Tiara: Yep.
Applebloom: Detected the chance to make hypocrites out of us when you found out we were friends with somepony famous?
Diamond Tiara: Yes.
Applebloom: Knew that Sweetie Belle would fall for it and drag us along with her because she's persuasive yet inexperienced at the sort of manipulation Rarity does?
Diamond Tiara: Indeed.
Applebloom: And now you're adding fuel to the fire to make sure this thing explodes in our faces with maximum possible force for your own amusement?
Diamond Tiara: Mhm.
Applebloom: And this is all just bein' orchestrated to tear us down because you don't have the maturity to build yourself up?
Diamond Tiara: Pretty much.
Applebloom: And despite knowin' all this we're gonna just keep diggin' ourselves deeper like you want us to because we lack the willpower to resist the allure of effortless mass social validation?
Diamond Tiara: Most likely.
Applebloom: ... (Sigh) Wellp, let's get this over with then.
Diamond Tiara: (Smug grin) So glad you understand.
Sweetie Belle: Hey guys, I have another idea that will solve all of this just like the last one did!
Applebloom: ... (Siiiiiiiiiiiigh)
Twilight Sparkle: (EATING ALL THE FOOD)
Scootaloo: W...wow...six hay burgers.
Sweetie Belle: Are you okay Twilight?
Applebloom: Yeah, ah mean, no offense, but mah sister doesn't even eat that much at a sittin', and she eats more than anypony ah know! Did ya miss breakfast or somethin'?
Twilight Sparkle: (Wipes ketchup off her face with a hay burger she then eats) No, actually, I had three stacks of pancakes and two fruit bowls!
Sweetie Belle: Um...wow.
Scootaloo: Is that healthy?
Twilight Sparkle: (Eats a horseshoe fry and takes a long sip of soda) It is weird isn't it? I've never really eaten this much before, and it makes even less sense since I wake up feeling si-(Eyes widen)...oh no.
Applebloom: What is i-
Twilight Sparkle: (Sweating) Uh NOTHING! HAHA. UM, let's just continue peacefully enjoying this time together WITHOUT FREAKING OUT ABOUT ANYTHING. Yes. GOOD.
Twilight Sparkle: (Exits building to investigate these shenanigans)
Applebloom: ...what was all this? (Imitates Scootaduckface) And this?! (A second mocking pose)
Scootaloo: I can't be like Rainbow Dash unless I hog all the attention I possibly can!
Sweetie Belle: Okay...Applebloom, just hear me out here.
Applebloom: (Regarding with narrowed eyes) Ah'm listenin'.
Sweetie Belle: I realize that this is all a ridiculously obvious ploy by Diamond Tiara.
Sweetie Belle: And I ALSO realize that we'd just be making things worse by taking advantage of our new found fame.
Sweetie Belle: So I need you to trust me when I say I know exactly how to handle this by doing that exact thing-(foam dart hits her in the neck) Ow! What was that for?
Applebloom: (Holding a toy blowdart gun) They won't give me a real one with tranq darts yet so ah'm just practicin' in the meantime.
Diamond Tiara: What do you mean you're not taking us to Twilight Time? After all the favors we did you? After all the favors THEY did you?! And by 'they' I mean those foals I've locked outside while providing them a clear view of you having all the fun that they can't have, thus letting their resentment and bitterness build while they also eye that box of aluminum bats and industrial chainsaws that my butler just so happened to put there while I was adjusting the video camera to record the coming pay off at the most cinematic angle and oh my god this is going to be SO GOOD!
(Chainsaw revving noises from the gate)
Foals: TWILIGHT TIME! TWILIGHT TIME! TWILIGHT TIME! TWILIGHT TIME!
Sweetie Belle: Okay, I know exactly how to handle this.
(Cut to shot of the entire town consumed in flames while the Crusaders watch from a nearby hilltop)
Spike: (Carrying gigantic plate of nachos upstairs) Twilight! I finished making the ridiculously huge amount of nachos you wanted! (Gets to the top of the stairs) The mayor announced that they finally put the fires out too! (Approaches her door, barely managing to hold on to the plate with one hand as he uses the other to reach for the doorknob) Ugh, seriously though, what's with all the nachos anyway? (Opens her door)
Twilight Sparkle: (Oblivious to Spike's presence or anything he's been saying) Do you have ANY IDEA how much of my life's plan this completely destroys?! AUGH! This all YOUR fault! (Points an accusing hoof)
Flash Sentry: (Still tied to her bed, having been so ever since the visit from Cadence) What?! How is this MY fault?!
Twilight Sparkle: You didn't wear protection!
Flash Sentry: Oh, gee, my bad, my hooves were too busy being CHAINED TO YOUR BED AT ALL TIMES for me to help with that! For that matter, how am I suddenly the bad guy when you keep me CHAINED TO YOUR BED AT ALL TIMES and, you know, do all those OTHER THINGS I never consented to?!
Twilight Sparkle: (In tears) Those things don't count! NONE OF THIS counts okay?! I'm just stressed! Have YOU ever had all but one of your friends die so you had to clone them and implant the age accelerated remakes with their old memories!? Because I did! Did you also have the mayor stumble in on one such clone in progress and have to hire a party pony assassin to keep her from telling anypony, then clone her too, and alter her old memories to not include the parts that would incriminate you?! Because I did that too! 'Oh but what about the bodies of the original four friends and the mayor that died Twilight? Wouldn't they still be there and give everything away?' And the answer is YES, UNLESS YOU CHOP THEM UP INTO FURNACE SIZED BITS AND BURN THEM TO ASHES YOU CAN SCATTER SOMEWHERE, WHILE CRYING, LIKE I DID. So don't you dare pin any of this on me to try and deflect your own responsibility here!
Flash Sentry: YOU. ARE. INSANE.
Twilight Sparkle: No, I'm a PRINCESS, and the weight of the entire nation is partially on my shoulders! We just lost our weapon that protected us from powerful enemies, and now all we have is this box we don't know how to open with no idea how long we have to figure it out before the next attack, where we'll need whatever is inside to not be totally decimated! We do know that there are six of us and six locks though, meaning there has to keep being six of us, and four of us can't know we're actually clones because that knowledge alone will destabilize the friendship magic we're doubtlessly going to need! So you know what?! I've got enough responsibility right now, you can just pony the buck up and DEAL WITH THIS!
Twilight Sparkle: (Turns, startled to see Spike there)
Flash Sentry: RUN AND GET HELP LITTLE DUDE SHE'S GONE CRAZY!
Spike: Yeah yeah hi Flash. Here's your nachos Twilight, I still don't know why you need so many!
Twilight Sparkle: Thank you Spike. (Wipes her eyes) I'll uh, I'll tell you when you're older. (GOMNOMNOMNOMNOM)
Flash Sentry: Oh. GOOD. You're in on this. Baby dragon's an accomplice.
Spike: Well yeah. I'm the number one assistant. I assist.
Flash Sentry: Are you just dead inside or are you too young to recognize how DEPRAVED all this is?
Spike: Flash, trust me, this is nothing. Have you seen what Celestia's hiding in the depths of the Canterlot mountain?
Flash Sentry: ...no?
Spike: Good, keep it that way. Guh. (Shivers in residual horror as he walks out of the room)
Applebloom: (Knocks on her sister's door) Sis?
Applejack: C'mon in!
Applebloom: (Does so) Um...can ya give me some advice?
Applejack: Sure, what's eatin' ya? (Takes a seat on the bed and pats the spot next to her)
Applebloom: (Hops up) Have...ya ever had a friend that just kept doin' the wrong thing over n' over no matter what ya said to 'em?
Applejack: Yep, ah been there alright.
Applebloom: How do ya deal with that?
Applejack: Well Applebloom, here's the deal. Ponies are flawed, no matter who they are. Somepony what don't make some mistakes in life, well, that pony's probably got a real borin' life. Thing is, some of them mistakes are somethin' they do even though somepony else might be pointin' out the obvious right to their face. When you're that friend of theirs tryin' to point it out to them and they ain't listenin', ya just gotta do your best to be there for 'em and be ready to pick 'em up when they need it, 'cus Celestia knows you're gonna need them to do the same thing for you when it's your turn to mess up real bad.
Applebloom: (Looks contemplative a moment, then nods and smiles) Thanks sis. (Hugs her tight)
Applejack: (Returns the hug and smile) Anytime Applebloom.
(Three shooting stars go across the sky outside her bedroom window)
Sweetie Belle: And then we were trapped, just completely, totally trapped!
Rarity: (Wearing her glasses while working at her sewing machine with several spools of thread and bolts of fabric floating around her) Ah but you see dear, if you knew what was coming, your big mistake was showing up in the first place.
Sweetie Belle: Yeah...I know...no more using my connections to famous ponies to advance myself independent of my actual efforts and contributions.
Rarity: (The sewing machine suddenly stops) What? Goodness no! Do you know how far I would've made it in Canterlot if I hadn't gotten Fancy Pants to fancy me so? Why, they wouldn't have given me the time of day up there, much less order my couture!
Sweetie Belle: Well what would you have done Rarity?
Rarity: Hrm...had I been in your spot I would have gone to the lemonade stand opening but then skipped the pool party and told everypony afterwards that Opal had gone missing so I'd spent the day out looking for her, finally having found her in the evening of course. You could divert all suspicions by regaling them with the positively harrowing lengths you'd gone to in order to rescue your poor, defenseless, adorable kitty.
Sweetie Belle: Wow, that sounds much better than starting sixteen fires and laying low until the heat's off!
Rarity: (Goes wide eyed as the spools and bolts drop and the sewing machine messes up) THAT WAS YOU?!
You know, I think this would've made more sense if they had switched the timing of this episode and Flight to the Finish. Ponies suddenly making a big deal about Twilight again out of nowhere when everypony has had quite a while to adjust by now just feels odd, and if this were the fifth episode instead of the fifteenth it would do a lot to alleviate that feeling. Other than that I can't really complain...or say much of anything really. It's about 3 AM as I'm writing this and I've never been in a position where I got popular just for having the right friend, so I'm nodding off AND trying to think of something interesting to say about something to which I cannot possibly relate. So instead of anything interesting, I'll just say things I liked and hope someone reads it and goes "oh, hey, I liked that thing too!"
Sweetie Belle using magic finally, yes!
Adorkable Twilight eating way too much because well shit, who among us has NOT ordered food while hungry and gotten way too damn much at least once?
ZOMBIE CHILDREN OH GOD WHY ARE YOU DROOLING ALL OVER THAT GATE BAR.
And also holy crap, Spike sounded more freaking angry than I ever remember him sounding and for some reason that just struck me as awesome.
I would've also thrown in a joke about earth ponies being rendered obsolete by unicorn alchemy but Sam already brought it up and screw it this thing is a week late already.
And finally... (Looks up) God DAMN, I seem to be genetically rigged to revert to the grimmest of darks even when I'm trying to make people laugh. Okay uh...here this'll fix it! CORGIS PLAYIN' TETHERBALL, YEAYUH HAPPINESS!